Since Reto and I have become the owners of Powers Of Taping Stuff On The Telly (which is a few months ago now), I've been watching the episodes of Sex And The City that have been on SF2 (TV station) in the dead of night, every night. Before you get too excited and say "ooh, that sounds nice, I haven't seen that in ages", don't get carried away with programming your recording device, because the last episode was on last night.
And wasn't it annoying? Not that I haven't seen it before, but it was annoying this time around for a whole bunch of new reasons. Yes, obviously the sudden change in her boyfriend's behaviour (the bit where he suddenly went from being totally self-reliant and interesting to needy and pathetic in an implausible but extremely useful piece of plot twistery, just so we would all think it was okay when she fell back into the arms of her relentlessly disappointing other boyfriend) was annoying, and the way she always happens to fall over or be scrabbling around on the floor or something equally charmingly undignifed at just the right moment, but more annoying this time was how atrocious her friends were.
For those of you who don't know, in the last few episodes of Sex And The City, Carrie chucked it all in and moved to Paris with her boyfriend. She got there and had, as we all do, an excellent time having all these shiny new experiences, and a horrible time what with being lost with no language, no friends, no family, no understanding of the culture, no one to rely on except the boyfriend (who already has his own life there and doesn't necessarily have all the time in the world to help her adjust) and the constant feeling of not belonging. Possibly I am exaggerating that a bit with regard to what happened in the TV show, but I think in terms of the daily life of people who have emigrated, it's not too far from the truth.
Anyway, Carrie phoned her friend to complain and to speak to someone familiar and her friend said "If it's so atrocious there, you should come back here!". That, in my opinion, is not a nice thing for a friend to say. Yes, it's nice to know that your people miss you, but surely we all know that already? I think a far kinder thing to say would be "Wow, that sounds terrible, but what a weird problem to have, the fact that you don't even know your own phone number! Today I went to work and then I came home and I did my laundry and I watched Australia's Funniest Home Videos. Look how bizarro your life is in comparison!". People don't move to a new country on a whim, and I think it's a bit belittling to encourage them to chuck it all and move back on one (note that in the show she had been in Paris for a week or something). If my friends encouraged me to wallow in the difficulty of living here and then to throw my hands in the air and say "it's all too hard" rather then providing the emotional support and good sense that I need from them (even from this vast distance), I would be very unimpressed (take note, friends. Not that you're not all doing a lovely job).
Living in another country and being distant from all your dearest people and not understanding the language or the social expectations or the way you buy vegetables in the supermarket (you weigh them before you go to the checkout!) is difficult and frequently infuriating. Not living half a world away from your international boyfriend is rather excellent (depending of course on whether he's an idiot, as in Carrie's case, or not an idiot, as in mine), but it doesn't necessarily mean that life is going to be a basket of puppies. If there's one thing I've learned from reading all these blogs about people moving to new countries, and of hearing the stories of people in my language classes, it's that we all have exactly the same experience of having difficulty making a new life in a new country, and I suspect that what we all need is support and sympathy and people to distract us with stories of their own problems, not friends saying "if it's not fun, why bother?".
Also note that this rant was not brought to you by my friends or family or the quality of my life at the moment. Those last few episodes of SATC really annoyed me a lot.
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3 comments:
Yes, you're absolutely right. I remember thinking that exact same thing when I watched those episode too. Samantha, Charlotte and I thought Miranda in particular were very selfish. Even if they didn't like the minute ballet dancer, they should have respected her choice to be with him. And then, when it all went wrong, be there to help her clean up the mess. That's what friends do.
I felt the same way with The Devil Wears Prada. All Andi's friends were whining at her because she couldn't come to parties with them or because she had to go to Paris. Instead of supporting her and telling her, "Yes, your boss is a complete bitch but if you think this is the way to achieve what you want to achieve in your career, then I'm 100% behind you!"
Oh yeah, The Devil Wears Prada was the same. Friends who make your life more difficult or who try to make you choose between them and whatever the apparent "competition" is are crappy friends indeed.
Carrie belongs with Mr. Big anyways - the whole Paris shebang was a mistake. And she knew it before she even left.
- not drawing parallels here, you and Reto are obviously a match made in heaven ;)
- just pay attention in class, and you'll be fine.
On a more serious note, I think that's the problem with integration in general. The way foreigners are introduced to a new country, is through a series of "excercises" invented by people who were bron and raised in that particular country. I think one should not forget to ask the foreigners what puzzles them about their new society - from small things like laundry etiquette, to the governmental structure and such. There's far too many unanswered questions, and foreigners will never feel part of a new country, if they don't get the answers they need. So who cares if they can recite the line of kings or presidents? Is that really a priority?
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