Undue Diligence

I'm so impressive when I'm drunk. Apart from all the hopeless blathering and embarrassing of myself, of course, but last night when I stumbled home all vile and boozy, instead of just collapsing in a big pile, I did a bunch of useful but unnecessary things. I washed my face. I considered brushing my teeth but decided against it because I had been drinking red wine and apparently brushing your teeth too soon after you have been drinking red wine is a bad idea. I wrote a few remarkably not-appalling emails which I checked thoroughly for bad spelling and general humiliation factor before I sent them (someone already replied to one of the emails I sent and I reread what I had written and it was really great and not drunken at all). I drank a bunch of water and got myself a bottle of water to keep next to my bed. I boiled the kettle and filled my hot water bottle (which is quite the hand-eye feat for a drunkard). I located and successfully put on my pyjamas. I hung my jacket on a coathanger.

And I was really quite drunk. I am so bizarrely diligent at times.